Time.
Happy Monday readers ! I hope your Monday is filled with strong coffee and determination that you can make it through. This morning was another fight at our house to get Harper up and ready for school. She’s over it and is ready for summer break. I think I’m counting down the days more than she is . I like for my mornings to be quiet and peaceful . I’m ready to have that back !
Today’s post , is another hard one for me. Once again , I’m coming face to face with feelings I haven’t really processed yet.
Time.
Time.
It was a cold , rainy , Friday . It was the day of Papaw’s funeral. Walking into the funeral home was emotional for me . 3 weeks prior , it was Gracelynn we were saying goodbye to. Walking in , I felt sick to my stomach . I had that lump feeling in my chest . As I looked up at the front of the room , there sat a big casket , surrounded by beautiful flowers . It was different than Gracelynn’s funeral . But part of me just kept picturing that tiny white casket , with pink tulips sitting beside it.
During the viewing , the night before , I looked at Papaw and he just looked out of place in a way. Like I said in my previous post , Papaw was the strongest man I knew . It was unnatural to see him like this . I never really thought about him dying . I never prepared myself to lose him . I never prepared myself to live my life without him. Honestly , I don’t think anyone prepares themselves for such a thing , but on some level we know that one day God will need the people we love back . We just never prepare ourselves for when that happens . We always think there will be more time.
Time. sometimes it drags. Like when you're at school , waiting for the bell to ring . Or in a meeting that you can't wait to escape from. Then there are times that you wish could last forever , or just stand still. To me , I look at the time we are given as a blessing and a curse , only because we are never given enough. 100 years isn't enough time spent with the ones you love.
I thought I had more time . I thought Papaw would be around forever. I mean this is the man that has been there for everything in my life . He was there for me at ball games , cheer competitions . First days of school , when I was sick . He was there when I had my babies . He held all three of them , He was there when I graduated from college and He was there for Harper's first day of preschool. He gave me away at my wedding , I will never forget that walk with him down the aisle.
I thought I had more time. I thought he would live forever. I mean how can you imagine life without someone like that. Someone who loved you unconditionally and always made time for you. There is really no way you can prepare yourself for a loss like that.
Time. They say it heals all wounds. People always say it gets better with time. As much a I ( and probably you too) hate to hear it , it is true. It's been 11 weeks and one day since we lost Gracelynn. It's been 8 weeks today since we lost my Grandpa. It does get easier to continue on without them. It does become more bearable to get out of bed . I'm still fighting the anxiety of losing someone else. I worry every day that something else bad will happen. It's a constant battle of allowing myself to feel and trying to be normal.
I haven't really dealt with my emotions when it comes to losing papaw. I know that he died . I've cried and cried some more. My mind has been wrapped up in everything that happened with Gracelynn , it's almost like my brain knows that I can't handle both right now. I talk about them both all of time . We got to keep Lucy , papaws beloved pet. Having her live with us is like having a piece of Papaw here with us. She's adjusted pretty well , and I think she likes it here. But I can tell that she misses him . It's almost like she's just waiting for him to come get her. It's sad sometimes .
Time. Sometimes it drags , like when you lose someone you love and those days after seem to last forever. Sometimes it flies by too quickly , like when you look back at memories you share with those you love . It just happened so quickly , time flew past . We never have enough time. The last few weeks , I have thought about time . I choose to spend my time doing what I love to do. I'm with my family , friends , my kids and at home. I've stopped doing things to that don't bring me happiness. I've stopped rushing . Life is just too short to spend it doing things you don't love.
Do what makes you happy. Even if it sounds crazy to others. Even if you have to change plans . This is your life . You are not guaranteed time . You think you have forever but in reality you don't have anywhere close to that.
We are given one life . Make it a great one.
Until next time ...
Tulips of Pink
Content and Photos Owned and Created by Haylli Smith { tulipsofpink.com}
Time. sometimes it drags. Like when you're at school , waiting for the bell to ring . Or in a meeting that you can't wait to escape from. Then there are times that you wish could last forever , or just stand still. To me , I look at the time we are given as a blessing and a curse , only because we are never given enough. 100 years isn't enough time spent with the ones you love.
I thought I had more time . I thought Papaw would be around forever. I mean this is the man that has been there for everything in my life . He was there for me at ball games , cheer competitions . First days of school , when I was sick . He was there when I had my babies . He held all three of them , He was there when I graduated from college and He was there for Harper's first day of preschool. He gave me away at my wedding , I will never forget that walk with him down the aisle.
I thought I had more time. I thought he would live forever. I mean how can you imagine life without someone like that. Someone who loved you unconditionally and always made time for you. There is really no way you can prepare yourself for a loss like that.
Time. They say it heals all wounds. People always say it gets better with time. As much a I ( and probably you too) hate to hear it , it is true. It's been 11 weeks and one day since we lost Gracelynn. It's been 8 weeks today since we lost my Grandpa. It does get easier to continue on without them. It does become more bearable to get out of bed . I'm still fighting the anxiety of losing someone else. I worry every day that something else bad will happen. It's a constant battle of allowing myself to feel and trying to be normal.
I haven't really dealt with my emotions when it comes to losing papaw. I know that he died . I've cried and cried some more. My mind has been wrapped up in everything that happened with Gracelynn , it's almost like my brain knows that I can't handle both right now. I talk about them both all of time . We got to keep Lucy , papaws beloved pet. Having her live with us is like having a piece of Papaw here with us. She's adjusted pretty well , and I think she likes it here. But I can tell that she misses him . It's almost like she's just waiting for him to come get her. It's sad sometimes .
Time. Sometimes it drags , like when you lose someone you love and those days after seem to last forever. Sometimes it flies by too quickly , like when you look back at memories you share with those you love . It just happened so quickly , time flew past . We never have enough time. The last few weeks , I have thought about time . I choose to spend my time doing what I love to do. I'm with my family , friends , my kids and at home. I've stopped doing things to that don't bring me happiness. I've stopped rushing . Life is just too short to spend it doing things you don't love.
Do what makes you happy. Even if it sounds crazy to others. Even if you have to change plans . This is your life . You are not guaranteed time . You think you have forever but in reality you don't have anywhere close to that.
We are given one life . Make it a great one.
Until next time ...
Tulips of Pink
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| Tyler and Papaw on our wedding day |
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| Harper, Papaw and Lucy (Harper's first day of school) |
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| Sarah, Andrew, Colton,Caden ,Me , Ava , Papaw and Lucy |
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| Gracelynn and Papaw |
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| Cole and Papaw |
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| Me, Papaw and Caden |
Content and Photos Owned and Created by Haylli Smith { tulipsofpink.com}
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