Life. Part 2

Good Morning Readers ! Happy Saturday . Today we are heading to the grocery store ..which I'm sure will end in despair . I didn't make a list , so I already know I'm going to forget half of what I need . My kids will fight over something , ending in one of them crying . My husband will be irritated because in 2 hours I will be sending  him back to the store for the 10 things I forgot . Did I mention I was a fortune teller ? ha! No but for real ... it's a shit show every single time. 

Anyway ..moving on to the important stuff . So yesterday , I shared with you my childhood and a little more about my family. I'm not going to lie , I cried the entire time I was typing. Happy tears mostly . Now we're moving on to yet another event I've been dreading . Mostly because I know that I'm going to come face to face with emotions I haven't really processed yet. We'll talk about that next time. 

 

Life. Part 2

On March 16, 2018 , it was a beautiful sunny day. My morning quickly turned from " this is going to be a good day" to a nightmare that I wasn't prepared for once again. Papaw Rudy was transported to the hospital . Tyler came home and brought my grandpas pride and joy , Lucy who is a miniature Schnauzer, to our house. I waited by the phone all day . Waiting for my mom or aunt to call me . When my mom finally called , she had said that papaw was still not awake . They were running tests to see what had happened. Later she called again to say that he was being life flighted to Columbus. 

As I sat there in the recliner , I cried. There was nothing I could do . I couldn't walk well, I had my kids and little sister, Ava. I felt helpless and scared. That Sunday , Tyler drove me up to the hospital to see papaw . I wore a pair of maternity leggings ( the only thing I had that went above my belly) and my house slippers. My feet were still so swollen , I couldn't fit into any shoes. The car ride there took a little over an hour. When we arrived at the hospital , we met my mom in the lobby , then went to eat in the cafeteria. A few of our cousins were there , my aunt and Uncle Mark ( my moms older brother). We sat and ate , laughing and talking . It was nice to take our minds off everything. After we finished eating , my mom asked if I wanted her to take me up to see papaw. I agreed and we went up to the fifth floor. 

When I walked into the room , I saw papaw laying in the bed . Tubes and wires everywhere. He looked so old and fragile . I had never seen him like that before. I instantly started crying . My mom stood next to me by the doorway , she said that I could go see him , it was okay. I stood next to his bed , crying still . I held his hand as my mom said "Dad , Haylli is here to see you , she's holding your hand" The only sound was the monitor beeping . Later my aunt , Tyler and my uncles ( my moms two brothers) came in the room. We sat there and talked , reminisced and cried. The only thing we knew at that point was that Papaw had pneumonia ( he had a bad cold prior to this and was still getting over it) and he had a stroke. 

For the next 10 days , my mom, aunt and uncles lived at the hospital. I felt awful. We had just went through everything with Gracelynn and I . Mom and Aunt Suzanne both were at the hospital with me for days , then they were at my house , now they were with Papaw. They were exhausted . They were emotionally drained. The only thing I could do to help was keep Lucy and help with Ava. I felt like that wasn't enough. 

A few days later , Tyler and I had our friends Casey and Michelle over . We had planned to just have a relaxing night. When they first got to our house , Harper and Ava were still at school . We sat and talked for a little bit , when my phone rang. It was my mom calling me . She was quiet when I first answered , I knew something was wrong. Suddenly I heard her cry . Then the words " Papaw isn't going to make it " flowed out of her mouth . It was like my world just crumbled around me . I cried , trying not to sob. She said that she was calling John, my step dad , I could ride up to the hospital with him . When I hung up the phone , Michelle started to hug me as she asked what was wrong . When I told her , she squeezed me tight and told me how sorry she was. She immediately helped me get ready , offered to stay at my house with Cole , while Tyler went to get the girls off the bus. She actually ended up staying longer and helped with the kids and got them ready for bed.  

When John and I arrived at the hospital , the room was just filled with sadness. As I sat down next to papaw , I held his hand and it was like a dark wave just consumed my body. The doctors and nurses were keeping him comfortable , he wasn't in any pain. The sounds of the machines, the soft cries from my family , pain and sorrow just filled the room. We all went to eat in the cafeteria there , it was a quiet dinner. There was no laughter or smiles. When we went back to papaw's room, my Uncle's  wife arrived with Lucy.  The nurses there were kind enough to let her sneak Lucy in. Our hearts broke as Lucy sniffed around , she looked at us , and papaw. She didn't recognized him. She was his beloved pet. They were two peas in a pod. You never saw one without the other. It was just sad. I think all of us were praying that he would wake up once he felt her presence. Uncle Ronnie , Caden and Colton ( my Aunt Suzanne's family) had arrived. Caden just turned 16  ( we share a b-day) and Colton turned 13 the end of April. Colton is named after my Grandpa , they act just alike. They are both ornery as ever . Colton is sensitive ( if you're reading this , don't be mad I said that. It's a good thing!) He just broke my heart as I watched the tears run down his cheek. Caden, he is more like Papaw when it comes to his emotions. He doesn't really show them , he stands tall , strong and quiet.

John and I were getting ready to leave. I asked if I could be alone for a few minutes with Papaw. My cousin Caden stayed in the room with me. He sat in the chair over by the window , looking at his phone. I walked over by him to grab some tissues off the tray. I told him to just ignore me , as I knew I was about to burst into tears. He said okay and looked back down at his phone. 

I sat next to papaw , I held his hand. I cried as I thanked him . I thanked him for everything he's ever done for me. I thanked him for loving me , even when I didn't deserve it. I told him I loved him , I asked him to please take care of Gracelynn for me and give her and mamaw and hug for me. I grabbed a chair , pulled it over next to him . I looked at Caden and told him not to tell anyone. I stood up on the chair and kissed papaw on his forehead. I told him I loved him and I thanked him for what he did for us and Gracelynn. You see , The day after we lost Gracelynn , Papaw went down to the funeral home . He spoke with Mike about Gracelynn's funeral . He told Mike that he would pay for everything. No one was supposed to know , knowing him , he didn't want it to be a big deal, because to him , it wasn't . That is just the kind of man he was. 

The next few days , I waited by my phone. I texted my mom and aunt . No changes was always the response. On Sunday , my mother in law Janet offered to keep the kids so Tyler and I could go up. When we arrived at the hospital  , we met my mom , aunt , step dad , and two of my aunts friends from college , Jen and Lois . Now , there is a fun bunch . They had drove to Columbus from Cleveland to see Papaw and be there for my Aunt and our family. We sat in the cafeteria , eating and laughing ( thanks to Jen and Lois) . I think that them being there , was simply the best medicine for everyone . They are hilarious and can turn any frown upside down. I don't care who you are , you need people like that in your life. 

After eating , we all went up to Papaws room .  Jen and Lois brought smiles to the room. We talked about old times , smiling at the memories. When we were getting ready to leave, I cried . I knew this could very well be the last time I would see papaw. That was just a strange feeling. 

When my grandma passed almost 4 years ago . She had been in the hospital for 5 weeks . We had time . We had a sliver of hope. She used to drive me crazy , she always talked about death. She told me countless times what she wanted for her funeral . I was to make sure that my mom and my aunt didn't put ugly lipstick on her that made her look like a dead person. Her exact words. Now, I look back and I think the reason she always talked about it , wasn't to be depressing or morbid. It was kind of like her way of saying that she wasn't afraid to die. She knew she was going to heaven and she was at peace with that. Papaw never talked about those things. He didn't give me that comfort. He was the strongest man I knew . He was like a dad , a God of some sort to me. I looked up to him. I respected him . He would never let this happen . He was the most stubborn man I knew . He wasn't going to die. 

On Monday , March 26, 2018 at 6:05 pm . My mom sent John and I a text . It simply said " dad passed away peacefully around 5:30". I was sitting in the van with Tyler , Harper , Ava and Cole. I put my hands over my face , sat my phone down beside me and I cried quietly. I didn't say a word . I didn't want the girls to hear me , as they had no idea what happened. We were on our way to town to get a redbox movie . Then my heart shattered when I received that text. 

This is life. Things can change in a blink of an eye. Sometimes that change can literally knock the wind out of you. You just have to have faith that you will be able to catch your breath again. I have faith that Papaw is where he longed so much to be . He's with my grandma . He is with the love of his life. I have faith that they are taking care of Gracelynn for me , until I can join them. I know how much he love us all. But I also know that he's been living with a broken heart since the day my Grandma passed away. Now I believe that he is truly happy , oh how I wish I could see that smile . 

Life. I can change in an instant. 

Until next time ...

Tulips of Pink 

Lucy and Papaw

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