Once Upon A Time ...

Once upon a time , my life was almost perfect . Picture it . One year ago , we had just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. I was graduating college , the future was bright for my family . I was lovin’ life so to speak. My family and I had a great summer together . I spent so much time with Cole and Harper . The end of summer came , I had landed my first CMA job since graduating ; Harper was starting preschool and things were exciting for us . Shortly after I started my new job , I found out that I was pregnant . Which came as a HUGE surprise to us ( yes we know what causes that ). I had IUD placed 6 weeks after having Cole . We had planned on Cole being our last , but we weren’t quite ready to make it permanent. So the IUD was perfect .... until it didn’t work. So the “holy shit , I’m freaking pregnant “ factor was raised up a few notches . I was so happy at my first ultrasound to hear that little heartbeat for the first time . Knowing that the baby was healthy was such a relief . My IUD was removed , I was having a healthy pregnancy .

Towards my second trimester , it was noted that my placenta was laying low , over my cervix . My doctor assured me that it usually moves out of the way on its own , they were keeping an eye on it . Throughout the next few weeks , I had quite a few ultrasounds done . I needed up with the flu , sprained my ankle and had developed PUPPS ( it’s a horrible rash pregnant women get . It sucks , trust me ) while I was feeling less than wonderful, the baby was healthy and growing .

Fast forward to March 3,2018 . I went to my mother in laws with my family and inlaws . We had a great time celebrating my mother in laws birthday. We went to Red Lobster for dinner , and the kids fell asleep on the drive home ( Praise the lord !) . Once we got home , we put the kids bed and I started my grocery list ( total waste of time , I lose it every time . Drink a glass of wine instead ) I finished up , gathered up laundry and went to bed . Around midnight I woke up not feeling well. I went to the bathroom and instantly started vomiting ( never eating Red Lobster again , btw) Finally , around 1 am , I was able to lay down . I went to the couch , Incase I got sick again. I fell asleep to the baby kicking .

On March 4,2018 . I was 27 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Around 3 am , I woke up thinking I had peed my pants . Which is not unusual for a pregnant women . I pulled myself up off the couch , walked to the bathroom , still half asleep. I turned the light on , sat down on the toilet and opened my eyes . I just stared at the floor , there was blood everywhere . It took me a second to realize my legs and feet her covered in blood as well. I just sat there . I tried yelling for my husband , but nothing came out . I quickly ran to our bedroom , leaving a trail of blood through my house . I flipped on the light and said “ Tyler , I’m bleeding” within seconds , he jumped up , grabbed the kids and started calling my mom. Of course at 3 something in the morning , people aren’t going to answer your calls. Finally we were able to get ahold of my father in law .  I just stood there . Trying not to cry . I didn’t know what to do . It was like I was frozen , I couldn’t move my body. Tyler ended up yelling for me to get pants on so we could leave . We loaded up and dropped off the kids . When we made it to the hospital , the ER quickly got me up to OB . I was still gushing blood . I soacked through the towels in Tyler truck, there was a trail of blood as they wheeled me up to OB. I was cramping so bad , I was scared . I new something had happened to my placenta . A little piece of me knew that I was losing the baby. I just didn’t want to believe it .

A resident and two nurses came in to exam me , while doing the ultrasound , I could see that my placenta was in pieces . It was like on a video game , when something blows up and you see millions of pieces flying . I could see our baby , but the sound was off on the machine . The nurse and doctor just stared at the screen . Finally the doctor looked at Tyler and I , the look on her face was so sad . She said “ I’m so sorry guys , I’m not finding a heartbeat” . I will never forget those words . I will never forget the sadness in her voice and the look on her face . My heart felt like it had broken . My chest hurt . Tyler and I sat there and cried together .

This was by far , the worst moment of my life . So many questions left unanswered , a life ending far too soon. The sadness was almost unbearable . I will never forget that night . It replays in my head every single day . I made my grocery list , I went to sleep , I woke up to a nightmare and I haven’t been the same person since .

Once upon a time , my life was almost perfect . We had big plans . Then life threw us a curve ball . Now I live my life day to Day . I take in every moment of the day spent with the ones I love . I’ve learned life can change in an instant , Don’t waste time making a grocery list .

Until next time ..

Tulips of Pink

         

Photo Credit : J Suerdick Photography

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