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Good morning readers ! It’s a quiet morning at my house . It’s just Cole , Lucy ( my grandpas dog) and I . Harper is off to school , which was not an easy task , she screamed all morning wanting to stay home . I think since the weather has been so nice , kids are just over school . I don’t blame them !
Anyway , it just hit me that I left something out of the post I made yesterday ( I told you , I’m scatterbrained ) . The day we left the hospital , one of my doctors had come in to talk to me before I was discharged . She had reviewed my lab work and stated that the cause of everything happening was a placenta abruption. It basically means that my placenta broke away from my uterine wall and ruptured into pieces . Which then caused Gracelynn to pass , and for me to almost bleed out . It was also determined that I carry a gene called Factor V Leiden . It’s a blood clotting disorder . Now , with Harper and Cole , this was never an issue . I never knew that I carried this gene until everything happened with Gracelynn. It’s a miracle that this didn’t happen when I was pregnant before . We’ll touch more on this topic later , I just wanted to share before I forgot again .
Home.
It was a cloudy , cold day . Tyler and I just left the hospital . We were heading into town to pick up and drop off my prescriptions at the pharmacy. Those of you who know E State Street .. that is not a pleasant ride after just having a cesarean. Way too many bumps and potholes . When we got home , Tyler had to help me into the house . My mom and my mother in law had cleaned for us , my mom put up new curtains in my living room , she went to the grocery store for us and bought me a new nightgown and underwear . My house felt different . I was dreading walking through those doors , but it actually felt good to be home . The first thing I wanted was a hot shower . At the hospital I was only able to take one shower . The ICU was just remodeled , I was actually the first patient to use the shower. Turns out , they didn’t have hot water . And let’s face it , hospital showers suck anyway . The water is never hot enough and there’s no water pressure . Maybe my husband is right , I’m a little high maintenance ☺️
Shortly after we got home , Tyler unloaded the van . My mom came up and she helped me shower . It felt so good to wash my hair. I was very swollen , bruised and in a lot of pain. They gave me so much fluid while I was in the hospital , my legs and feet were HUGE! It was hard to walk because I couldn’t feel the floor , I was so swollen. I put on my new underwear ( that came up above my belly button ) , my new nightgown , my robe and my lovely thigh high compression stockings that I would be wearing 24/7 for the next 6 weeks . I had Tyler put all of Gracelynn’s things back in our room and shut the door . I couldn’t look at any of it . And to this day , I still haven’t looked at it.
I was still feeling numb . I was sad , heart broken really , but I couldn’t cry. It was like I had ran of tears or something . My mom and my aunt went shopping that afternoon. They bought me a plain black dress to wear , black stockings , and black pair of shoes that would stretch over my swollen feet. After that , they went to the funeral home and got everything ready for Gracelynn. They came back up to my house that night , brought dinner and stayed with us for a while . Harper and Cole were home with us , this was the only thing that brought me joy. I had missed them so much . Having them with me just made me feel better . I took my medicine and fell asleep .
The next morning (Thursday) , I woke up crying . I think I cried for hours that morning . It was like everything just hit me all at once . My baby had died . The last few days weren’t a nightmare , it was real. I’ve read posts on Facebook before about families losing a baby . I’ve aslways felt so sad for them . I could never imagine the pain and sadness they were feeling . Then , it happened to me . We were one of those families that people were praying for . We had just lost our daughter . It was then that I realized , I would never be the same person again .
My mom was at our house , she helped clean , do laundry , helped with Cole and just stayed with us so we weren’t alone . I didn’t talk much , neither did Tyler . I just walked around my house that whole day . I felt and looked like a ghost . I was pale , the only color to my skin was the bruises on my belly , arms and legs . After having a c-section , your belly is filled with air . It settles and the only way for it to come out is by passing gas . ( I told you , this would get personal ) it is the most painful experience. It brought me to tears . Sharp pains through my whole body , I would cry and want to scream every time I tried to pass gas. Tyler would hold my hand and I’m sure he was trying to hold in his laughter as well . I’m sure he never pictured the moment he would have to hold his wife , crying because of a fart. Ladies , if you find a man like that , he’s the one . Marry him .
That night , I took my medicine to fall asleep . I woke up around 3:30 that morning . I couldn’t sleep . I just stood in my kitchen thinking . I knew that I was going to have to burry my daughter that day . I knew that was going to be the last time I saw her . That Friday morning , we sent Harper off to school . My mother in law , Janet and her fiancé, Paul came to our house . They brought McDonald’s breakfast for us . I ate a breakfast burrito. That was the first time I had eaten in a week. I showered , fixed my hair for the first time that week . I put makeup on . I didn’t cry at all that morning . I didn’t talk about anything . I told Tyler I wasn’t going to cry , I was going to hold it together . Janet and Paul took Cole to his baby sitter for us . Tyler and I headed for the funeral home . We stopped at a gas station by my house . I used to work there many years ago and know the women who work there pretty well . Tyler and I would talk to them every morning on our way to work when we would stop in to get a drink. When we pulled in , I saw two of the women that we know well working . I told Tyler “tell them not to come out here , I don’t want to cry” He said okay , then went to get our drinks.
As we made our way to the funeral home , we both just sat in silence . We were both holding it together .
Once we arrived at the funeral home , reality hit . There was nothing I could have done to prepare myself for what was about to happen.
Until next time..
Tulips of Pink
🌷
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Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram @tulipsofpink
* if you have a story to share , or just need someone to be there . I would love to hear from you ! Email me hayllismith5@gmail.com ( this is my private account)
Anyway , it just hit me that I left something out of the post I made yesterday ( I told you , I’m scatterbrained ) . The day we left the hospital , one of my doctors had come in to talk to me before I was discharged . She had reviewed my lab work and stated that the cause of everything happening was a placenta abruption. It basically means that my placenta broke away from my uterine wall and ruptured into pieces . Which then caused Gracelynn to pass , and for me to almost bleed out . It was also determined that I carry a gene called Factor V Leiden . It’s a blood clotting disorder . Now , with Harper and Cole , this was never an issue . I never knew that I carried this gene until everything happened with Gracelynn. It’s a miracle that this didn’t happen when I was pregnant before . We’ll touch more on this topic later , I just wanted to share before I forgot again .
Home.
It was a cloudy , cold day . Tyler and I just left the hospital . We were heading into town to pick up and drop off my prescriptions at the pharmacy. Those of you who know E State Street .. that is not a pleasant ride after just having a cesarean. Way too many bumps and potholes . When we got home , Tyler had to help me into the house . My mom and my mother in law had cleaned for us , my mom put up new curtains in my living room , she went to the grocery store for us and bought me a new nightgown and underwear . My house felt different . I was dreading walking through those doors , but it actually felt good to be home . The first thing I wanted was a hot shower . At the hospital I was only able to take one shower . The ICU was just remodeled , I was actually the first patient to use the shower. Turns out , they didn’t have hot water . And let’s face it , hospital showers suck anyway . The water is never hot enough and there’s no water pressure . Maybe my husband is right , I’m a little high maintenance ☺️
Shortly after we got home , Tyler unloaded the van . My mom came up and she helped me shower . It felt so good to wash my hair. I was very swollen , bruised and in a lot of pain. They gave me so much fluid while I was in the hospital , my legs and feet were HUGE! It was hard to walk because I couldn’t feel the floor , I was so swollen. I put on my new underwear ( that came up above my belly button ) , my new nightgown , my robe and my lovely thigh high compression stockings that I would be wearing 24/7 for the next 6 weeks . I had Tyler put all of Gracelynn’s things back in our room and shut the door . I couldn’t look at any of it . And to this day , I still haven’t looked at it.
I was still feeling numb . I was sad , heart broken really , but I couldn’t cry. It was like I had ran of tears or something . My mom and my aunt went shopping that afternoon. They bought me a plain black dress to wear , black stockings , and black pair of shoes that would stretch over my swollen feet. After that , they went to the funeral home and got everything ready for Gracelynn. They came back up to my house that night , brought dinner and stayed with us for a while . Harper and Cole were home with us , this was the only thing that brought me joy. I had missed them so much . Having them with me just made me feel better . I took my medicine and fell asleep .
The next morning (Thursday) , I woke up crying . I think I cried for hours that morning . It was like everything just hit me all at once . My baby had died . The last few days weren’t a nightmare , it was real. I’ve read posts on Facebook before about families losing a baby . I’ve aslways felt so sad for them . I could never imagine the pain and sadness they were feeling . Then , it happened to me . We were one of those families that people were praying for . We had just lost our daughter . It was then that I realized , I would never be the same person again .
My mom was at our house , she helped clean , do laundry , helped with Cole and just stayed with us so we weren’t alone . I didn’t talk much , neither did Tyler . I just walked around my house that whole day . I felt and looked like a ghost . I was pale , the only color to my skin was the bruises on my belly , arms and legs . After having a c-section , your belly is filled with air . It settles and the only way for it to come out is by passing gas . ( I told you , this would get personal ) it is the most painful experience. It brought me to tears . Sharp pains through my whole body , I would cry and want to scream every time I tried to pass gas. Tyler would hold my hand and I’m sure he was trying to hold in his laughter as well . I’m sure he never pictured the moment he would have to hold his wife , crying because of a fart. Ladies , if you find a man like that , he’s the one . Marry him .
That night , I took my medicine to fall asleep . I woke up around 3:30 that morning . I couldn’t sleep . I just stood in my kitchen thinking . I knew that I was going to have to burry my daughter that day . I knew that was going to be the last time I saw her . That Friday morning , we sent Harper off to school . My mother in law , Janet and her fiancé, Paul came to our house . They brought McDonald’s breakfast for us . I ate a breakfast burrito. That was the first time I had eaten in a week. I showered , fixed my hair for the first time that week . I put makeup on . I didn’t cry at all that morning . I didn’t talk about anything . I told Tyler I wasn’t going to cry , I was going to hold it together . Janet and Paul took Cole to his baby sitter for us . Tyler and I headed for the funeral home . We stopped at a gas station by my house . I used to work there many years ago and know the women who work there pretty well . Tyler and I would talk to them every morning on our way to work when we would stop in to get a drink. When we pulled in , I saw two of the women that we know well working . I told Tyler “tell them not to come out here , I don’t want to cry” He said okay , then went to get our drinks.
As we made our way to the funeral home , we both just sat in silence . We were both holding it together .
Once we arrived at the funeral home , reality hit . There was nothing I could have done to prepare myself for what was about to happen.
Until next time..
Tulips of Pink
🌷
Please Subscribe and Share 👍
Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram @tulipsofpink
* if you have a story to share , or just need someone to be there . I would love to hear from you ! Email me hayllismith5@gmail.com ( this is my private account)
For more information on Factor V Leiden click the link below 👇
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