Motherhood.

Good Morning readers! I hope you all had a great weekend and a great Monday. We spent the weekend with family , we went to Coolville founders day parade, spent time in the pool and cooked out. It was a pretty great weekend. It was needed after last Thursday and Friday. As you know , Thursday was my due date. It was just a really hard day.I also went to my grandparents house that day . It was my first time being there since my grandpa passed away. The kids and I met my mom and my aunt there , I thought going over there would help. I thought getting out of the house  would be good for me, maybe it would take my mind off of everything for a little bit. I was very  wrong. I cried on my way there, as soon as I turned on their road. Once I walked in their house , I was just sad. It was so different and quiet. I was hit with so many different emotions . I ended up skipping the support group meeting that night. Instead , Tyler and I had a fight, and I went to the cemetery alone to be with Gracelynn. I was there for a while, I cleaned up around her grave and my grandparents. Then , I just sat there and cried. It was just a hard day. Harder than I thought it would be. 

Yesterday , it was a rainy day so the kids and I spent the day inside. Stuck inside with a 5 year old and almost 2 year old. Our wifi kept going out ( it always goes out when we have a drop of rain) so that meant Netflix wasn't working. Which means my kids were whiny , clingy , pissed off little people . The day ended with me in a pissy mood and taking it out on my husband. Doesn't that sound like a super awesome day? 

I love my children more than life itself . I would do anything to make them happy , I would give my life for them. But sometimes , those beautiful children of mine can be straight up jerks that suck the life right out of you. I love my husband. He is seriously my best friend and I couldn't imagine my life without him. He's a wonderful husband and father. Then there are days when he goes fishing after work ( like yesterday) or comes home from work to relax in his chair with a beer and watch Netflix. Those days..I want to punch him in the face.

I am now a stay at home mom. I'm beyond thankful to be at home with my kids , don't get me wrong. Yesterday , they drove me insane. They whined and cried. They were following me around all day , tattling and crying about every little thing. I started cleaning their room, which ended up taking most of the day because lets face it , kids are disgusting. Not even one minute after cleaning , the room is destroyed by Cole. I spent all day cleaning , organizing and packing up crap ...within 60 seconds , everything I had to show for the day was ruined. Having children ( and a husband) and trying to clean is like brushing your teeth while eating an oreo. It is completely pointless. I'm a neat freak , so I like to clean . It drives me crazy that NO ONE in my house , other than me knows how to pick up after themselves. 

My husband comes home...asks why I'm in a bad mood. I have two children hanging on me whining still as he is talking to me . I thought to myself ..does he really not understand why I'm grumpy? Does he even notice our children or are they so far up my ass that he can't see them? My kids have zero knowledge of personal space. They would both still be in my uterus if they could. Even then , I don't think that would be close enough for them. He then makes a comment about " you're the one that wanted to stay home , I don't get why you're in a pissy mood" . I'm sorry ...what was that now? This is one of those times I wanted to punch him in the face. 

Yes , I wanted to be home with kids . I spend all day cleaning , cooking , keeping little humans alive and trying to make them happy. I try to do fun things with them. I spend my days cleaning something out of the carpet , doing laundry and wiping butts . It's a wonderful job , being a mom..but it's also hard and exhausting. Just like any job , you're going to have bad days and good days. Trying to explain this to a man ...they don't get it. When Tyler is alone with the kids , they are good as gold. With me , they test my patience and my sanity daily. Yes , I wanted to be home with them , but that doesn't mean I can't complain about a bad day ! 

Being a mom is hard. It's tiring , scary , and wonderful. It's the best job in the world. It's also the hardest. My days may be filled with insanity and sometimes my kids are jerks ...but my day is also filled with laughter , watching them grow and wiping away their tears. I'm so 
lucky that I get to be home to see it all. 

Last night , I didn't really sleep at all . I was up from about 2 AM until after 5 this morning. I finally fell asleep on the couch , Harper and Cole both laying with me. I woke up to use the bathroom , only to be greeted by Cole , who had pooped and taken his diaper off. He was covered in poop. He slipped and fell , cried and wouldn't hold still. I had poop all over my carpet, it was all over him and the floor. Harper was crying because "it's so gross". I lost my shit this morning. Well I guess Cole did first . I put Cole in the tub , sprayed him off and washed him , cleaned the floor and the carpet . All before 9AM . I have a feeling today is going to be a fun day . Hopefully a nap is in our near future ..I think we all need one today.

Tonight ..there will be wine ! 

Motherhood ...it's the scariest hood you'll ever go through

until next time...

Tulips of Pink 

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