For better .
So today I decided to write about my marriage . I know that I have written before about my husband and how he and I grieve differently . This post is more about us in general . How we met , the good , the bad and how losing a child has affected our marriage. I hope you enjoy !
For Better .
I’ve known Tyler for years , I’ve known his family my whole life . Tyler is six years younger than me. He likes to rub that in my face sometimes . He’s 6’4 , has tattoos and always shaves his head . Which I hate by the way . He has such pretty wavy hair , I wish he would let it grow just a tad . He came in to the gas station where I worked while I was in school. He came in every single day for over a year asking me out . I always turned him down , thinking he was too young and wild for me . Night after night , there he was . He seriously never gave up . Finally ( obviously) I said yes to a date . Within minutes of just us talking , I realized that I really liked him . I didn’t want the night to be over . That has never happened to me before .
Right from the beginning I knew I could trust him . I was so comfortable around him . He just made everything so easy . There has never been an awkward moment between us . From day 1 he’s been my best friend .
In the past , I’ve dated a long line of losers to be honest . Tyler was younger than me , but the most old fashioned , mature and sweet man I’ve ever met . To this day , he still opens doors for me . He always calls me rather than texting me ( we do text a lot too ) . When we go out to eat , he always uses his card . I mean we have a joint checking account .. so it all comes from the same place , but he refuses to let me pay with my card.
There are many things I love about my husband . I could go on for days . Honestly , what I love most about him is his heart. He would do anything for me and our kids . He would give the shirt off his back to a friend or even a stranger in need . Throughout the past few months , I have leaned on him so much for support . He’s set his feelings aside to be there for me . To be strong for me .
As I’ve said before , I don’t sleep well at night . I’ve tried many different medications , oils , massage , meditation.. nothing works . ( if you have any tips on this subject , please let me know! ) Tyler will stay up and talk to me , listen to me and calm me down when I’m crying . He does whatever he can to help me .
Some people don’t understand our relationship. We both grew up with a heavy influence from our grandparents . Even as a little girl , I always dreamed of being a mom and a wife. I didn’t picture my wedding day like most girls do , I pictured a marriage and having a family . I watched my grandparents , they danced in the kitchen , they were always together . I will always remember the way they looked at each other , they were so in love . My grandma would light up when Papaw walked in the room . I knew that I wanted what they had.
In our home , my role has always been the homemaker . Even when I was in school and then working full time . I did the cleaning , cooking and laundry . Now that I’m a stay at home mom again , I continue this role . Some people don’t agree with my choice to stay home , they think “ she has a degree , she could have a good job” .. they are right . To be honest , being a wife and a mom is the
best job anyone could have .
When we lost Gracelynn, I just couldn’t bring myself to return to work. The thought of having my kids at a sitters every day just gave me anxiety . I never thought I would lose a child , then it happened . Tyler understood my fear , he was feeling it too . He told me to stay home . He knew that I was happier at home , I was calm and I was doing what I love to do . I was taking care of my family . I’m home every day to watch Harper and Cole grow and learn . I don’t miss anything . I spend my days cleaning , cooking , playing and just being with my kids . I look forward to my husband coming home everyday .
I guess you could say we are just old fashioned . We eat dinner every night as a family . I fix everyone’s plate and serve them . People laugh because I make Tyler’s plate for him and take it to him . He’s worked hard all day to make money for our family . He does the mowing , fixes things , builds things that I find on Pinterest .. why shouldn’t I serve him his food ? That’s the least I could do after all he’s done for me .
Losing our baby has brought us closer . For a while , I wasn’t able to cook , clean and care for the kids on my own . With the help of our moms and the kind people who brought us meals , he took over . He became my caretaker. It was strange for us to switch roles , but I think it’s helped our relationship. Sometimes he doesn’t realize how much I do , until he’s the one doing it .
We respect each other . I never make a decision about spending money , making plans , etc , without talking to him first . He’s the same way . We never tell each other no , we just always run ideas by each other out of respect .
Tyler is not only my husband , he is truly my best friend . If I’m upset , happy or excited , he is always the first person I turn to . We do everything together as a family . Some days are just bad days for me . I get upset and in a depressed mood , I’m irritable and negative .. and you guessed it . I take it out on him . I know that I shouldn’t , but he’s my person . He’s really the only one I can turn to or take things out on because he knows me , he knows exactly how I feel . God bless his loving soul for dealing with my crazy emotions .
Our marriage isn’t perfect by any means . We fight and argue over silly things , say things we don’t mean and there have been many nights where one of us has slept on the couch . When you live with someone , it’s inevitable that they are going to annoy you . Add in a couple kids , bills, life in general and you’re going to realize that married life isn’t easy . We have seen each other fall apart , we’ve seen each other at our worst. The important thing is that even though sometimes we may not like each other , we never stop trying . We never throw in the towel and give up . Life happens , when your married or in a relationship with someone , it’s important to see the big picture and to fight for your relationship. I’ve mentioned before how Tyler’s snoring and breathing in general can annoy the hell out of me . Sometimes I pick a fight with him for the way he breathes . I realize that is totally irrational and I shouldn’t get mad at him for it . But I do .. because that’s life . It’s impossible to love everything about a person .
I think about my grandparents , their relationship and their love for one another . I know now that things weren’t always perfect . But as a child , I thought they were . Tyler and I try very hard to not argue in front of the kids .. sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way . Sometimes they see us angry at one another , they see us upset . They also see the respect we have for another . They see us try and work hard on our relationship . They see that things aren’t always picture perfect. I think it’s a good lesson for them learn.
That honeymoon phase quickly goes away when you’re married and have children . Sometimes life happens and the romance takes the back seat for a moment . Throughout this journey of grief and loss , we both have leaned on each other for support . We’ve cried together , one of us ( usually Tyler ) stays strong so the other can fall apart . We’ve seen each other at our worst . We’ve been at rock bottom . We have been broken in a way that is unimaginable and unbearable, yet we’ve become stronger . Not just as people , but as one . Our marriage is stronger . Stressing the small things , like who forgot to send the water bill just isn’t important . It’s not worth the effort in arguing or getting upset . So many times we’ve argued about the dumbest stuff . It just doesn’t matter anymore . There are far worse things in life to stress about , the small stuff .. that you have control over , they just don’t matter . Now we look at the big picture , we have grown so much in the last few months . I have never been more proud to be a wife to my husband . I’m so thankful for him and everything he does for us . I’m thankful for our marriage and the life we’re building . I’ve learned from the best , my grandparents that giving up isn’t an option. You love each other even when you hate each other . For better or for worse .
Until next time..
Tulips of Pink
There are many things I love about my husband . I could go on for days . Honestly , what I love most about him is his heart. He would do anything for me and our kids . He would give the shirt off his back to a friend or even a stranger in need . Throughout the past few months , I have leaned on him so much for support . He’s set his feelings aside to be there for me . To be strong for me .
As I’ve said before , I don’t sleep well at night . I’ve tried many different medications , oils , massage , meditation.. nothing works . ( if you have any tips on this subject , please let me know! ) Tyler will stay up and talk to me , listen to me and calm me down when I’m crying . He does whatever he can to help me .
Some people don’t understand our relationship. We both grew up with a heavy influence from our grandparents . Even as a little girl , I always dreamed of being a mom and a wife. I didn’t picture my wedding day like most girls do , I pictured a marriage and having a family . I watched my grandparents , they danced in the kitchen , they were always together . I will always remember the way they looked at each other , they were so in love . My grandma would light up when Papaw walked in the room . I knew that I wanted what they had.
In our home , my role has always been the homemaker . Even when I was in school and then working full time . I did the cleaning , cooking and laundry . Now that I’m a stay at home mom again , I continue this role . Some people don’t agree with my choice to stay home , they think “ she has a degree , she could have a good job” .. they are right . To be honest , being a wife and a mom is the
best job anyone could have .
When we lost Gracelynn, I just couldn’t bring myself to return to work. The thought of having my kids at a sitters every day just gave me anxiety . I never thought I would lose a child , then it happened . Tyler understood my fear , he was feeling it too . He told me to stay home . He knew that I was happier at home , I was calm and I was doing what I love to do . I was taking care of my family . I’m home every day to watch Harper and Cole grow and learn . I don’t miss anything . I spend my days cleaning , cooking , playing and just being with my kids . I look forward to my husband coming home everyday .
I guess you could say we are just old fashioned . We eat dinner every night as a family . I fix everyone’s plate and serve them . People laugh because I make Tyler’s plate for him and take it to him . He’s worked hard all day to make money for our family . He does the mowing , fixes things , builds things that I find on Pinterest .. why shouldn’t I serve him his food ? That’s the least I could do after all he’s done for me .
Losing our baby has brought us closer . For a while , I wasn’t able to cook , clean and care for the kids on my own . With the help of our moms and the kind people who brought us meals , he took over . He became my caretaker. It was strange for us to switch roles , but I think it’s helped our relationship. Sometimes he doesn’t realize how much I do , until he’s the one doing it .
We respect each other . I never make a decision about spending money , making plans , etc , without talking to him first . He’s the same way . We never tell each other no , we just always run ideas by each other out of respect .
Tyler is not only my husband , he is truly my best friend . If I’m upset , happy or excited , he is always the first person I turn to . We do everything together as a family . Some days are just bad days for me . I get upset and in a depressed mood , I’m irritable and negative .. and you guessed it . I take it out on him . I know that I shouldn’t , but he’s my person . He’s really the only one I can turn to or take things out on because he knows me , he knows exactly how I feel . God bless his loving soul for dealing with my crazy emotions .
Our marriage isn’t perfect by any means . We fight and argue over silly things , say things we don’t mean and there have been many nights where one of us has slept on the couch . When you live with someone , it’s inevitable that they are going to annoy you . Add in a couple kids , bills, life in general and you’re going to realize that married life isn’t easy . We have seen each other fall apart , we’ve seen each other at our worst. The important thing is that even though sometimes we may not like each other , we never stop trying . We never throw in the towel and give up . Life happens , when your married or in a relationship with someone , it’s important to see the big picture and to fight for your relationship. I’ve mentioned before how Tyler’s snoring and breathing in general can annoy the hell out of me . Sometimes I pick a fight with him for the way he breathes . I realize that is totally irrational and I shouldn’t get mad at him for it . But I do .. because that’s life . It’s impossible to love everything about a person .
I think about my grandparents , their relationship and their love for one another . I know now that things weren’t always perfect . But as a child , I thought they were . Tyler and I try very hard to not argue in front of the kids .. sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way . Sometimes they see us angry at one another , they see us upset . They also see the respect we have for another . They see us try and work hard on our relationship . They see that things aren’t always picture perfect. I think it’s a good lesson for them learn.
That honeymoon phase quickly goes away when you’re married and have children . Sometimes life happens and the romance takes the back seat for a moment . Throughout this journey of grief and loss , we both have leaned on each other for support . We’ve cried together , one of us ( usually Tyler ) stays strong so the other can fall apart . We’ve seen each other at our worst . We’ve been at rock bottom . We have been broken in a way that is unimaginable and unbearable, yet we’ve become stronger . Not just as people , but as one . Our marriage is stronger . Stressing the small things , like who forgot to send the water bill just isn’t important . It’s not worth the effort in arguing or getting upset . So many times we’ve argued about the dumbest stuff . It just doesn’t matter anymore . There are far worse things in life to stress about , the small stuff .. that you have control over , they just don’t matter . Now we look at the big picture , we have grown so much in the last few months . I have never been more proud to be a wife to my husband . I’m so thankful for him and everything he does for us . I’m thankful for our marriage and the life we’re building . I’ve learned from the best , my grandparents that giving up isn’t an option. You love each other even when you hate each other . For better or for worse .
Until next time..
Tulips of Pink
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